Greta Thunberg was recently overheard arranging a berth for herself on a ship heading to Antarctica, on a great berg hunt, it was claimed. All her belongings she packed in a single rucksack – she called it her “green truth bag”. At the media send-off she trotted out robotically the urgent brag about impending climate disaster and coercing climate obedience from us all. Some were heard muttering the term “green brat thug”, a none too complimentary epithet for the sweet climate crusader. On and on she moralised about saving the world – more than one had clearly heard it all too many times. “Let’s sail already, bugger the rant”, one was heard muttering.
A cousin of hers, Gareth Nutberg, was sailing with her, apparently, along with his toddler half-sisters, Grunt Hateberg and Ruth Grebegnat. Once embarked and on the open sea, certain universals of sea faring soon manifested themselves on the ship’s aft deck as alcoholic beverages appeared as if by magic and the beer truth gang sang loudly in out-of-tune Swedish late into the night. Shouting over this inebriated cacophony, the ship’s cook Hatter Eggburn together with the medical orderly, Reg Bungthreat, tried to give a speech about good eating and digestive health on board ship, but no-one paid much attention.